I Have Confidence!

**Please note, I wrote this post over a year ago, but never published it. I have finished it and am posting it now, as a reminder to myself of where I had been, and where I want to get back to. I am currently going through a period of self-questioning, and trying to reconnect with myself again, so I can figure out what I want from life. I hope that you appreciate this, as it has taken me a lot to open up even this much. Even now, I am hesitant to post it, as it IS me.

This post has been brewing in my brain for at least 2 months, following several other people posting about body confidence etc. It also coincided with the turning point in my own journey of self-appreciation, and now that I have time, I am finally bringing my inner self and thoughts to you!

First, let me preface this by saying that this post is very much my experiences. I have met wonderful people in this past year, who have helped me grow tremendously and have helped me open up more. Originally I was going to post separate sections for Body and Mind and Soul, but as they are inextricably linked, I will try to make this a coherent single post! I have so many thoughts, now I have to find where to start! (hence part of my delay in actually writing this)

Now, to actually start... I have always enjoyed musicals, and sometimes wish/pretend my life is one! Interestingly enough, in April, I went to Austria, spending time in Salzburg and the Alps. While there, I went on the Sound of Music tour. One of the songs really has touched me, and is the title for this post. If you are not familiar with the Julie Andrews classic, you will see that even 50-60 years ago, women were going through the same fluctuations of self-doubt and self-confidence (even if it is the movies!). Have a listen, and then I invite you to keep reading. ( I tried to embed it, but couldn't get it to work, sorry...)

I have confidence video

Now doesn't that just make you want to march on and sing at the top of your lungs!

People always say, that when you are in love, you want to shout it from the rooftops. Well, I am in love! ... with me :)
I realize this makes me sound somewhat narcissistic, but after 28.5 years of others telling me I am beautiful, smart, kind, amazing etc. I finally am believing it and fully realizing my self worth! 
In the words of Rascal Flatts, Love you out loud: 
I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop 
Baby, scream and shout 
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video 
Baby, leave no doubt 
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about 
I love to love you out loud 

Or as Aaron Lines puts it:

I'm tired of living in this bubble
So today I'm changing everything
Well, my dream's been buried in the rubble
It's time to set it free
No more keeping quiet this life inside of me

I'm gonna start living out loud
My soul's been dying
To scream and shout
And shatter the silence
It's a beautiful sound when each moment counts
Starting right now, I'm gonna start living out loud

Oh, yeah

Well, I'm not breaking any new ground
And I didn't reinvent the wheel
I'm just a man who finally figured out
What he really needs
So I'm turning up the volume of this song inside of me

Gonna start living out loud
My soul's been dying
To scream and shout
And shatter the silence
It's a beautiful sound when each moment counts
Right here, right now
I'm gonna start living out loud

All my demons, I have fought 'em
Inhibitions, I have lost 'em
It wasn't easy, but I taught 'em
To just get out of my way
And now, every breath I'm breathing,
The air is so much sweeter
Now that my heart has finally found a way

To start living out loud
My soul's been dying
To scream and shout
And shatter the silence
It's a beautiful sound, when each moment counts
Right here, right now
I'm gonna start living out loud
My soul's been dying
To scream and shout
And shatter the silence
It's a beautiful sound, when each moment counts
Right here and now
I'm gonna start living out loud
Living out loud
Living out loud

CONTRACTION/EXPANSION

Now, before I continue onto my experiences, I want you to try something I learned from Jonita D'Souza, a life coach, and leader of Confidently Feminine

(Read through first!)

Close your eyes, and think of somebody or something that you strongly dislike/hate.

What sort of pain or sadness have they brought you? How have you suffered?

Let your feelings take over, for 20-30 seconds.

Keeping your eyes closed, now, think of somebody that you love.

How have they brought you joy? What is it about them that makes you happy?

How do you feel when you think of them?

Again, let your feelings take over.

When you feel satisfied, open your eyes.

Hopefully you felt a difference between the constricting, contracting of your negative feelings on your body. Conversely, I also hope that you felt the expansion, and lightness, like a balloon inside you, of the feelings of joy and love. If you did, then I explained it correctly!

Basically, think of the Grinch, in Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas and how at the end of the film, his heart grew immensely. 

Now, to tie this in, what do you feel when you think of your body. Contraction or Expansion? Even if you don't really feel anything for your body, wouldn't you want to feel the lightness of expansion when you think of yourself?

SOME BODY TO LOVE

What I am trying to get across, is the fact that now, as of mid-May, I feel a bubbling over of happiness when I think of my body and of myself as a whole. I am trying to make sure that I feel this way every day, although insecurities always do sneak in! I have accepted that I am perfect as I am today, and if I change, it is for myself, not because other people think I should be something. I truly hope that all of you can feel this too. We are primarily a society that focuses on the negative parts of ourselves, or the parts that are less than perfect. We are constantly wanting to change ourselves, thinking "I will be happier when"... This is not unique to our bodies, but our lives in general, always looking around the bend. Tomorrow will be better... but why wait? 

(PS. Did anyone catch the subheading reference? You will notice a very musical theme...)

So how can I achieve this inner happiness?

Well, let me tell you!

I will give you what I have done, for my overall happiness. First, I met Jonita and Claudia Massera, who owns BellydanceBodyMind. These ladies (along with others) have been essential in my growth, even if I haven't necessarily told them so.

So, now for my tricks:

1. Thank your body parts. (from Jonita)

First, this may sound weird, but it actually is really hard! I chose to do this at night, as it helped me fall asleep. All you need to do, is start at your toes, and work your way up, thanking each part for something that it did today. It could simply be, thank you feet, for moving me from there to here. Thank you 

2. Music and Dance
As some of you may have noticed, this post is full of song references. Music is extremely important to me, and I use it as a reflection of how I am feeling, or if I want to change my mood. As for dance, when you dance, you need to be present to really feel the music and the beauty and strength of your body. Which brings me to point 3:

3. Live in the moment
Be present. Use all of your senses to experience and actually live your life, not just pass through it. This is part of what fuels my desire to travel, because I feel that I am at my best, as a person, and my happiest, when I am traveling. Although this sounds simple, it is not! It is very easy to get caught up in the rat race and repetitiveness of daily life. To combat this, I participated in the 100 Days of Happiness, where I had to post 1 thing that made me happy, every day. Some days, it was simply a song that I heard, or a book I was reading. Appreciate even the smallest things.

Unfortunately, I never finished this post one year ago, and had forgotten to use my tricks that I had learned. As such, I am restarting my journey to self-awareness/awakening again. Hopefully I don't lose my way this time.